If You Want to be Successful, STOP Doing This ONE THING | Mindshift 2

Did you know that according to studies, high achievers are some of the most miserable people in the world? A study found that depression rates among CEOs are roughly double that of the general population. What is it about today's society that's causing people that are motivated, inspired, and have big fortunes, big fame, are actually depressed and miserable?

Well, you'll find out in today's episode. Hi, Dr. Josh Axe here, and I just released my latest book, Think This, Not That. This book tackles the 12 mental barriers that obstruct your personal growth and hinder your success in so many areas of life.

Each chapter explores one of these barriers with helpful visuals and practical exercises that you can use to peel back the layers of the false narratives that have held you captive and finally experience the transformation that comes from thinking this, Not That.

You can order a copy at JoshAxe.com, and if you order before April 2nd, you'll get an exclusive to my 3-part Mindset Masterclass, also a 12-week workbook, also numerous other bonuses that are worth hundreds of dollars to help you think this, not that, and experience that breakthrough you've been waiting for. Welcome to the Dr. Josh Axe Show.

In today's episode, I'm going to be sharing a mind shift that will lead to the greatest level of happiness and fulfillment in your life. Also, I'm gonna talk about how to get my new book, Think This, Not That. You can go to joshaxe.com to check it out. But it's surprising that if you pursue happiness according to multiple clinical studies, you'll actually end up miserable.

And I'm gonna go through on today's episode what will actually lead to a fulfilling life, better health, overcoming mental health issues, depression, anxiety, and living your best life possible. Here's the thing. I used to think that success was accomplishments, influence, and financial prosperity.

When you think about, or you look at the COVID of a Forbes magazine or Time or one of these groups or publications that says, this is what success is, the way they tend to judge it is who's accomplished something, who has the most money, or who has the most influence or power. Here's the thing I realized though. Success is not about your accomplishments, fame, and fortune.

It's about who you become, the relationships you build, and the legacy you leave behind, and so much more as I'm gonna dive into in today's episode. And by the way, I, this was a realization I had at my grandfather's funeral. I was at my grandfather's funeral, and by the way, my grandfather was an amazing man. He was 96 years old. A World War II veteran.

But I'm standing there at his funeral and the pastor says, does anyone have any last words about Howard? And the man next to me screams out and just, and just weeping in tears, he said, Howard was my best friend.

And it's so interesting cuz I looked over at him and I, I feel a little bit bad about this, but I looked over at him and I thought, well, I know who you are, but you're not my grandfather's best friend. Because I think I assumed I knew who my grandfather's best friend was, an uncle of mine. Yeah. And then I paused for a minute and I realized something.

There were hundreds of people in this room, and half of them probably thought that my grandfather was their best friend because that's how he made them feel. Have you ever met anyone like that? When you're around them, immediately you feel loved, you feel connected, they make you feel special. Well, that's how my grandfather was, and I had just recently, uh, opened up my, my clinic.

I was writing my first book, and I think I was in the mindset of success is publishing a bestseller, making a certain amount of money, gaining a certain amount of following. But I realized in that moment that success is not about what we accomplish, it's about who we become. And one of the greatest things you can do to live a more fulfilling life is have a mind shift of accomplishing to becoming.

And my grandfather embodied things. For instance, he was that man who, and at the funeral, people started yelling out, Howard saved my marriage. He gave me hope when hope was lost. He gave us money when we didn't have any. And my grandfather did not have much money at all. In fact, they were very, very poor for most of their lives. But he really knew how to make people feel special.

He'd walk up with his hand and put it on your shoulder, look you in the eye, pray for you, talk to you, give you an encouraging word, and just literally change the way that you thought about yourself and about life. And so, when I was at the funeral, I realized that's who I want to become. I want to become more like him.

And I think it's really so paradoxical because, again, most people think, well, if I have a lot of money, if I have a lot of fame, that's going to make me happy. But I guarantee none of these people that are— 99% of CEOs today were not as happy as my grandfather. And so, I really want to go through today how you can truly be successful and live a fulfilling life. You ever get that feeling after?

You have a good workout and you just, you feel like, wow, I really, I accomplished something. I did something. I mean, that's how you should feel, but about yourself and your own virtue, knowing that you're more courageous, more wise, more just, more loving. You fight for the oppressed. You're out there doing things for the right reasons. And so that's how we should be feeling on a regular basis.

When you're following that becoming mindset, that's how you're going to feel. And I wanna share with you a visual I had created. I had my graphic designer create this because I wanted to give you a visual of this. Is that this is how you become the greatest you, right? We all want to get to the end of our lives and say, I ran the best life, I ran the best race possible.

You know, I did everything I could. I left it all out on the field and I lived a life that mattered. Here's how you can do that. You take your character and your skills and you take those to the highest level possible. Okay? So one, your character. Now, character, I think, is often seen today as, maybe kind of a boring word. I also love the word virtues here because it's more descriptive.

Your character is made up of— mostly the positive parts of your character are made up of virtues, such as the 7 virtues, which are talked about by the Greek philosophers like Aristotle, the first 4, and then the Christian scriptures. So virtues like love, wisdom, courage, justice, faith, hope, are those divine virtues that you need to embody in order to live the best life possible.

And so when we look at this here, you want to always be growing your character, and you also always want to be growing your skills at the same time. So you have unique gifts that God has given you. Think about if you've read the Bible, there's a parable of the talents, and God gave somebody 1 talent, another 2, another 5.

And the people that go and multiply their talents, God says, well done, good and faithful servant. The person that took their talent and buried it, God says, that's wicked. That's evil to waste your talent. That's evil. And so for you to figure out and spend time realizing what are the unique skills, gifts, and talents that God's given you and take those to the moon.

Think about an artist like Michelangelo. He got better and better and better at creating art to where— my wife and I, we're gonna be going on a trip to Europe this summer, and we're so excited to visit the Vatican again. And see the Sistine Chapel because I've gone there twice prior to this, and both times I was just in awe of what he accomplished.

Well, you should try and be the Michelangelo of parents. You should try and be the Michelangelo of if you're a writer. So you should try and take your gift and your talent to the highest level possible.

Just like an athlete trains, a professional athlete or an Olympian to be the best of the best, We should be training in our lives the same way to be the best we can in terms of spouses, parents, and our career and our work life and our health, and have that sort of mindset and thinking about who we can become and also aiming for that ideal target.

One of the best ways for you to become greater is to model other people who are great in what they're doing. If you want to be a great investor, model Warren Buffett. If you wanna be great in your character, model Mother Teresa, or of course the ultimate, Jesus. Model him in your life. Now here's why this matters.

According to a recent survey done in Forbes magazine, they discovered that 900 million people around the world feel unfulfilled in their daily lives, and 70% of working Americans are unhappy in their current job. And so that means that there are a lot of people out there who are miserable in their lives. And again, think about this, 70% of people do not like their job.

And so they're using their talents and skills and gifts in a way that make them unhappy. That's not okay. Because if you spend, if you think about the amount of hours you work per week, at least 40, and how much of your life that is in doing something that you don't like doing at all, That's not good. That's not healthy for your mind. It's not healthy for your body or your spirit.

Here's the other problem, and I wanna hit on one of the main problems today of why people go so off and become so miserable, is our culture glorifies talent, fame, fortune, and power. That's what we applaud. That's what we praise. That's what we say is successful, but it's not. These accomplishments at the expense of your character are always going to lead to disappointment.

And oftentimes we're doing things like, I'm working, I'm working, I'm working for my family, so I'll have free time later on in life when I turn 60 or 70. Well, why don't you also have some free time now and enjoy your life? You know, so you really wanna find that balance of working hard, but also being able to connect with your family.

Do the thing that, that big mission you have in your heart, or that thing that you know you're called to do. Having time to do those things as well. Here's another surprising study.

There's a study done on 147 college graduates, and those graduates who most valued material goals, such as, hey, I wanna get the big house or the car or have so many people following me on social media, the people who had more of those extrinsic goals versus saying, my goals are I wanna have great relationships and I wanna be involved and contribute to my community and do things that matter.

Those people that valued material goals over the others had less life satisfaction. They were more miserable with their lives because what good is accumulating all these things if you don't have people close to you to enjoy it with? So this idea and mindset that life is about fame and fortune and what you accumulate, it's what I call the accomplishing mindset.

And this is something I really do a deep dive on in my book, Think This, Not That, that really goes through how to break through your limiting beliefs and experience more success in your life and your health in every area. But the accomplishing mindset basically associates success with achievements or possessions.

And basically, what this does is your identity starts to get tied to what you achieve. Well, what if you don't achieve something? Well, then that hurts your identity. Hurts your purpose, and you feel unfulfilled in your life.

And the other thing is, if you, if your biggest goal is to get an award, uh, have high esteem among other people and impressive accolades, this will rarely lead to the type of person you are proud of becoming. So the opposite of the accomplishing mindset is this. It's the becoming mindset. The formula works like this: true success equals Maximizing your unique skills for the greatest good.

That's basically using your greatest skills with the highest level of character. If you do that, you become the greatest you. You know, most of us every day have a to-do list where we're checking off, did I accomplish this? Did I accomplish this? Did I accomplish this? What you should have instead is a to-be list. Was I generous? Was I kind? Did I act with great wisdom? Did I learn and grow today?

That will truly lead you to be fulfilling. Did you know the studies show what will truly make you happy? So it's not achieving things or accomplishing things or accumulating wealth or fame. Those have actually shown in studies, not just one, multiple studies, to make you more unhappy.

What is shown to make people happy is if they're growing in life, if you're growing in your skill and you're growing in your character, that actually demonstrates that you're going to be happier and more fulfilled in life. And so if you're chasing personal happiness, you'll be unhappy.

If you're chasing helping others fulfill their dreams, making them happy, making them grow, making them get better, then you'll be happy. And if you think about it like this, I mentioned this earlier, if you ever had a really good workout, well, what happened? Your muscles are growing, you accomplished something, but you did it in a way that you're making yourself better.

That's the sort of thing you want to be focused on is how can I grow my character? How can I grow my skill? And how can I foster stronger and better relationships?

According to multiple research studies, the becoming mindset that I'm sharing with you improves your leadership capabilities, leads to greater financial success, stronger relationships including your marriage, lowers your risk of depression and anxiety, Increases your physical fitness and gives your life more meaning and fulfillment.

Now, I want to give you an example in comparison to my grandfather. Okay? My grandfather was one of my heroes growing up and even, even a greater hero of mine today when I look back at the big picture to see the sort of life he lived and the lives he impacted. Another hero of mine growing up though was Lance Armstrong. I was a huge Lance fan. I was a triathlete. Okay?

And so I, and I, and a cyclist. And so, you know, he was, he was the king. He'd won 7 Tour de Frances. But I can remember the day that I found out the news that, that he had admitted to, that, that he'd been convicted of doping, and then he admitted to doping. I remember my heart sinking and just being incredibly disappointed.

And I actually like to ask you that, have you ever had anyone in your life, and, and maybe you knew them personally, or maybe they, this was a person you followed and even supported from afar. It could be a president, it could be a pastor. It could be a parent, could be a coach or a teacher or a close friend, but someone you really admired and respected.

And you find out later they were cheating on their spouse or cheating in their sport or lying or doing something incredibly unethical. And you just, you were surprised and you were shocked, but you were hurt by it. That's how I felt with Lance Armstrong. Is I had put so much trust in him. I was a huge fan of his, and he had gone and lied and cheated in order to win.

And I remember thinking, that's not who I thought he was. And so for Lance, again, here's why he got like that. His mindset, and I read his book, he has a quote in there, and it was, he said, I had a win-at-all-cost mentality. I had a win-at-all-cost mindset. And if your mindset is, I'm going to win, I'm going to accomplish, I'm going to be famous, I'm going to have more money at all costs.

Well, what's it going to cost you? It's going to cost you your character, your relationships, actually greater accomplishments for the good of others. It's going to cost you all of those things. And so I wanna ask you right now, do you have an accomplishing mindset or a becoming mindset? Now listen, I wanna say this, accomplishments aren't all bad. Okay? But it shouldn't be the primary.

It should be the secondary. The first goal should be becoming the sort of person that's virtuous, that's a world changer, that's like Christ, that's like Martin Luther King in justice, that's like nurturing in Mother Teresa, that's like wisdom of Solomon, right? So you should be fostering that sort of mindset first.

And then because you have that mindset, what's normal, what's, what's, what's just naturally birthed from it. Are great accomplishments. But if you first pursue you, you being, you know, accomplishing things, you'll end up miserable. So I wanted to share one more person you would recognize as being a world changer, yet left his life with regrets.

In fact, he left the world with incredible innovation, but left this world with a lot of regrets. And it's Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple. He's the creator of the iPhone and iPad and all of the incredible you know, uh, gear and tech that a lot of us use today. But here's what he said to his biographer at the end of his life.

And you'll, you're gonna see here, this is directly associated with an accomplishing mindset versus a becoming mindset. He said this, he said, I wanted my kids to know me, but they didn't. He said, I wasn't always there for them, and I wanted them to know why. And to understand why I did what I did.

And Steve Jobs literally held the world in his hands in terms of just being an amazing innovator impacting the entire world. Yet in the process of accomplishing what most of us could only imagine, he paid an incredibly steep price, his relationship with his family. So here are some questions I want you to ponder. And when I thought through these, it really impacted me just deep in my soul.

What good is gaining the world but losing your soul? What good is growing a company but losing your family? What good is gaining wealth but losing your health? What good is being right but ruining your marriage? What good is getting a promotion but losing your integrity? Everything costs something, and we should be investing in the things that matter most.

We want to make sure we get to the end of our life and say, I invested and prioritized The things that mattered. You know, Albert Einstein had it right. This is what he told his son. Incredible wisdom. He said this: try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.

Albert Einstein didn't tell his son, hey son, you know, you need to be the next great inventor and accomplish this or accomplish this or accomplish this. He said, you need to become a man of value. He was right in terms of what we should all try and become. We should become people of values.

So if you wanna embrace the becoming mindset and truly be successful in your life and fulfilled, and I'd ask you, are you, do you feel some of what I've shared that you, you just feel unfulfilled in life and not like you're living to the absolute max? If so, here's what you need to focus on. The first thing is you need to grow in what are called the 7 virtues.

This is something I really go deep into in my book, how to become this type of person, the sort of person that people respect. Admire. You get to the end of your life and people are at your funeral not saying what you accomplished, but because of who you were to them. You know, you need to aim to grow in your wisdom, your courage, your justice, your self-discipline, also in faith, hope, and love.

But growing in generosity, growing your character specifically, will help you become a greater person. And one of the best ways to do this is to model other people. I'd encourage you, write down your greatest character strengths and your greatest character weaknesses. You know, I did this once where I took time and wrote down what I needed to work on.

And when I was in college, I remember writing down encouragement. I remember writing down patience, and I remember writing down generosity. And so I remember encouragement, I wrote that down and I started working on it every day of, I'm I'm gonna encourage every person that I, that I have a conversation with in some way. And that became my mind. And then I naturally became encouraging.

I became that type of person. I realized I wanted to be generous. I started tipping more. I started giving more to charities. I started, I wrote down how much I was going to give and committed to, and I just became more generous. And, and naturally it was, I, I started sowing more and then reaping more financially.

And so you can see how this works, but you really, I'd encourage you write down those 3 strongest character qualities, but the 3 also that are weaknesses that you really need to work on and turn into strengths. Aim to grow in those areas. And then think about those people who model that. If you wanna grow in wisdom, think about the wisest people you know.

Like for myself, I'm gonna share this right now. When I think about people that have really a lot of wisdom that I've had the opportunity to speak with, I think of someone like Jordan Peterson. He's got an incredible amount of wisdom, especially in the field of psychology. So I might, I might, I might, uh, have him on my list of somebody I want to learn a certain level of wisdom from.

I might have certain pastors that I follow. It could be Craig Groeschel, it could be Bishop Barron, it could be Jonathan Pagio, it could be John Mark Comer. I don't know, it could be Erwin McManus, but I'm going to write down who are some— Bill Johnson, who are some people that have a lot of wisdom? I used to love Tim Keller, still read all of his stuff.

So So those are some people I'll write down who have true wisdom, and then I will go and follow them on social media. I'll watch their videos on YouTube. I'll listen to their audiobooks, and I will start to become more wise. So that's what you should do. If you want to become— write down those 3 character qualities you want to grow in.

Write down the people you can learn from, embody them, and write down, again, watch, listen, learn, and in-person people as well you can spend time with who have a lot of wisdom. That's one of the greatest ways you can become greater. But you need to become aware first and recognize where do you need to grow in your character? And here's the next thing you need to do.

Write down your natural talents. What are those gifts that God has given you that you know that you're called to change the world? For instance, I've done this in my life and I realize for me it's educating, being an educator of people on their health, on mindset, on wisdom, on leadership. So, for me, I realized, okay, if I wasn't educating people, I would be burying my talent in the sand.

I'd be wicked and I'd be wasting my talent. And so, being an educator is big, helping other people with strategize how to grow their business or help them strategize how to regain their health. So, for me, education and strategy are 2 of those biggest skills. Yeah. That I have, and then helping health, helping people with their health. And so, write down for you, what are those unique gifts?

Are you a good writer? Are you a good communicator? Are you a great parent? Like, I think about my wife, Chelsea. She is one of the most incredible moms I've ever seen. I don't know a better mom.

I mean, the way that she sits down with our daughters, and Arwen in particular at this age, and loves her and nourishes her, but also coaches her to grow in her character and to think wisely, I'm blown away with. I'm just absolutely blown away the way that she nourishes and gives me life and shares her wisdom with me. So it doesn't have to be a career.

It could be your being the best in the world as a parent, right? But write down those talents and opportunities, those roles you have in life as a parent or a spouse or a leader, and write that down. Those talents you have in that area. So grow in your talent and grow in your character. And if you can grow in those areas, you're gonna live the greatest life possible.

I wanna go through a few key takeaways and principles of Think This, Not That. It's the best book I've ever written by far. You can get it at joshaxe.com. You can also get it on amazon.com. If you go to joshaxe.com, I've got actually, I think, $200 worth of free bonuses. And downloads you'll get as part of this, including a whole masterclass I teach on mindset.

So think this: success is optimizing my skill to help others and bring good to the world. Not that success is using what I'm good at to look good. That's what a lot of people do. It's like, hey, I'm going to take whatever talent I have just to look good or impress others. Here's another takeaway principle. Think this: what's most important is who I become. Not that.

What's most important is what I accomplish. Adding value to others and the world is something you can be proud of. The accomplishing mindset is a destination. The becoming mindset is a journey. You're constantly becoming better and better and better every day. One of the most fulfilling things is to look at your life once you embrace what I taught in this video.

And if you get my book, it's gonna help you do this at a whole nother level, but is to be able to look back one year from now and say, wow, I've grown. I can say I've done that almost every year of my life. I look back to where I was, to where I am now, and say, wow, I'm more virtuous, I'm more kind, I'm more compassionate. I fight more for what's right and what matters with courage.

And that's how you can tell you have a successful life. You look back a year ago and say, wow, I've really grown from a year ago and 3 years ago. I've grown in using my gifts more and acting with more virtue. Think about your future self. When you envision yourself in the future, that's going to help you determine your choices today.

When I envision myself in the future, I think of myself more in acting with the wisdom of a Jordan Peterson and the leadership of a John Maxwell and the heart of a Charles Mulli or Katie Davis or Heidi Baker. These are probably some missionaries you may not know that do do incredible missions around the world. But I see myself more in that line in growing and becoming more like that.

I see myself becoming a better father and connecting in an even deeper way and coaching up and encouraging my daughters to grow and become greater themselves and loving others. And so, I envision my future self very clearly what I'm doing. Like, I'm sitting down with Arwen and we're on a daddy-daughter date night. Right? And I'm giving her life advice and encouraging her.

Think of your future self as an actual person. What steps can you take starting now to build that relationship that's important to you? What steps can you take now in order to grow in your skill, grow in your character, do those things that matter most in life where you're working on life's greatest priorities? Focus on those things. And I'm just telling you, your life will flourish.

Better than you've ever thought possible. Think about who you need to become. What are those vices that you have in life, those negative emotions and the negative mentalities? Is it greed? Is it gluttony? Is it lust? Is it pride? Is it jealousy? What are those things you need to eliminate and get rid of, those vices? And what are the virtues you need to grow in? Start becoming that person today.

Start acting like that, that person today. One of the greatest things that anyone could ever say to you is, you are different.

If you implement all these changes now and somebody says, you know what, you're different, and maybe they even say it negatively, but you're gonna realize, no, that's good because you're breaking away from your, maybe some of the people that were holding you back in the past because you've grown so much.

And again, if you wanna dive deeper into these topics, I wanna encourage you go to joshaxe.com. You can preorder my new book and get all of these downloads for a limited time. I think it's over $200 worth. Including the free Mindset Masterclass, the workbook. And I think that this is gonna just gonna help you grow to a higher level than you've ever thought possible.

So, hey, I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. Make sure to hit the notification bell so you don't miss my next episode. This next one is gonna be absolute fire. I am so excited.