The #1 Reason You Are NOT Achieving Your Goals | Jen Gottlieb

Hey everyone, I'm Dr. Josh Axe, and welcome to the show. Each and every week on the show, we cover the science behind how to grow yourself, your health, your wealth, and take your career, your relationships, and even your spiritual wellness to the next level. This week we have Jen Gottlieb on, and she is a powerhouse entrepreneur. She's the host of I— the I Dare You podcast, and she's the bestselling author of a new book called Be Seen and the co-founder of Super Connector Media. And today we're gonna be talking a lot about how to take your mindset to the next level. And this is something Jen really covers in her new book. You know, I think there's a lot of people out there today and a lot of people watching who you want to feel a greater level of significance in your life, a greater level of meaning. You want to have a bigger impact. And so Jen is going to share with us those leadership principles, how to boost your self-confidence, how to stay grounded, and a whole lot more. Jen, welcome to the show.

I am so excited to be here.

Awesome. Well, hey, I, I do want to tell you, my producer, before I was asking some questions about you and I, I read up a little bit too, and she had told me that you, um, you were on VH1 and she said, uh, am I dating myself on that? Because, you know, some people are familiar with VH1 anyways. And I'm like, I used to watch VH1 all the time.

And so it is still a thing. It is still a thing. But I was on it ages ago. And the funny thing was, was I was on VH1, uh, on a special TV show that was targeted towards people that love heavy metal music. So it was, it was a talk show all about heavy metal. And I don't know if you could notice by now, even just talking to me for a few minutes, you probably know that I, I'm not your typical heavy metal girl and I never liked heavy metal music, but I was an actress auditioning, trying to get gigs. I had just come off of a Broadway national tour and I got this job on this show where I was basically like the Vanna White of this talk show about heavy metal. And they interviewed all the biggest rock stars in the world, like the guys from Guns N' Roses and AC/DC and Metallica. Okay. And yeah. And I was basically pretending for 5 years to be a heavy metal enthusiast. And this was a, a really, I tell people that this was one of the greatest times of my life as far as like me developing myself as to, you know, who I ended up becoming. And one of the hardest times of my life ever because I'd created a persona of myself and I was being seen as a version of myself that couldn't have been further away from who I really was.

Hmm.

So I was in this inauthentic brand that I had built for years, always kind of feeling that, that gut feeling inside of me. And I, I'm sure your listeners might be able to resonate with this a little bit where it's like, there's something so much more and, and I, I don't even know what it is, but this is not it. This is absolutely not it. And I was hiding behind this persona that I built and I had this huge audience of people that thought I was this person that I wasn't. And every day I felt this little voice in the back of my head, Jen, what are you gonna do when this show goes away? This is not who you are. This is not you. But I was so afraid of what would happen on the other end if I took down the mask and I showed up as who I truly was. Like, was, were people gonna like me? What was gonna happen to my acting career? What was gonna happen to my social media? And I, I, I couldn't get myself out of this predicament until it happened for me. And the show got canceled and everything in my life pretty much blew up. And I was forced to figure out who I really was and start truly being seen instead of hiding behind this version of myself that I so carefully curated for the whole world.

You know, Jenna, I think that one of the things we like to do on the show is, and I love to talk about as well, is sort of going deeper on topics. I think a lot of times there's a lot of superficial talk today And, and so we want to go deep. And so one of the things I'm, I'm interested to hear you talk about, and one thing I'll just share leading up to that, is I think there's so many people today, they want to be seen, right? And so people will go on their social media accounts, or it could be, uh, their careers or, or, or, or other places, and they're trying to be someone they're not. They're trying to post and make their life look perfect. But basically, a lot of people today are essentially posting or acting for likes. It's like, okay, I'll do anything, I don't care if it's good towards the good, I don't care if it's towards the bad, I just generally want to be seen. To start off, do you have any thoughts on what the root cause of that is? Because I think, I think that there are a lot of people today who maybe don't feel like they're seen. I mean, obviously there's some psychological issues that could go a little bit deeper on if their parents, you know, maybe didn't pay attention to them, a number of things. But just generally, from, from your standpoint, um, why do you think today that a lot of people are, again, on social media just posting anything they can possibly post in order to to have someone pay attention to them?

I think there's so many different reasons for this, and it all really has to do with the specific individual, right? There's, like you just said, there's a lot of childhood stuff that comes, or I, I even know with myself, like I always wanted attention as a little kid. I was the one that always wanted attention. Whenever my parents gave me attention and they said, good job, Jenny, and they were sitting in the front row of my show and they would cheer me on, like that's what felt good to me. And then my parents got divorced and then the thing that I wanted the most from them was their attention. So I wanted to feel seen. So that's my specific, uh, experience with like why I could see like why I wanted to be seen so much as an actress. But this is different for absolutely everyone. I think that there is one thing that's happening in, so in, in the world that we live in today that's really major that, that we need to talk more about. And that's comparison and that's the highlight reel and that's this world that we live in where we open up our phone every single day. Everyone does it and we scroll and we see very curated versions of people's lives. We see the highlight reel, we see what everybody wants us to see. So we, we don't see what's going on behind the scenes. We just see the fabulous vacations. We see the amazing picture that they took for 1.5 seconds when everybody was happy. We don't see the fight that they were in 5 seconds before they took that picture. We don't see what's really going on in their business. We just see all the products and services that they're launching. We only see the highlight reel. So we're opening our social every day and we're scrolling and we're seeing everybody's quote unquote perfect lives. We're seeing everybody's chapter 20, the filtered outcome, and we're not necessarily seeing the real stuff. So we're sitting with our own real stuff and we're thinking we're alone in our own real stuff. And everybody is just— it feels to me, I feel this energy. I don't like to say absolutes because there's always nuance here, but it feels very much like, how can I keep up with everything else that's going on on the internet? And like, how can I filter my photo to make it look like their photo? And how can I create the business or the brand that looks like this person's because I have to keep up. And that actually makes a lot of people feel really stuck as well because they're afraid to start because they're looking at the perfect version or the end goal or the, the final podcast. You've been doing your podcast for how many years now?

Well, I relaunched the podcast, but let me say, I actually— so I probably started my podcast originally back in 2009, and I remember Jillian Michaels and I were kind of sitting in the top 3 in terms of most listened to podcasts. And then I took a break from it for a long time, and then anyways, I've kind of come back recently. And started up again. So I did radio for a long time before. So that's kind of a long answer, but I've been doing general radio or podcasts for a while.

But here's the thing, the point that I want to make is that there's probably a lot of health professionals out there that might want to start a podcast, and they might have the idea to start a podcast, but they listen to you and they're like, oh, I can't start. Somebody's already done it. Or I have to have all of the perfect studio equipment. I have to have the assistant. I have to have the lighting. I have to have everything that Dr. Axe has. What they don't see is all the years that you put into this. And when you first started, I guarantee you it wasn't this way.

That's right.

Uh, and I think people are afraid to be a beginner right now and they're afraid to be seen because they can't keep up with the perfection on the internet, or they're comparing their chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20. Somebody else is like, 2009, you started, you were figuring this out for so many years before it became successful. And I think we, everyone really wants that immediate gratification. Like, I wanna start and I want it to be perfect immediately. But we're not seeing all the failures and all the steps and all the mess-ups and all the rejection that happened on the way to getting that thing. And I think it's such an important conversation to have in the world that we live in.

Yeah. You know, I, I, I was thinking about a couple things with this, and one was I heard the psychologist, uh, lecturing a few, couple years ago, and he was talking about social media from the standpoint. He said, you know, think about throughout history, most people grew up in a small town. And, and, and they never left. I mean, up until really 70, 80 years ago, people weren't flying all over the country, moving cities as often. Just didn't happen. So he said your level of self-comparison tended to be— think about who you went to high school with, and if those are the only people for the most part you were comparing yourself with, is just a small, you know, this, this group of people you went to high school with, it's much easier to feel like I'm, I'm unique in this way because you know, if there's— even if you graduate with 500 people or however many it is, you're still— it feels easier maybe to stand out. So he talked about sort of the psychology versus today. It's like we're talking about, you know, billions of people who could be on social media and that now you're not comparing yourself to 500 people, you're comparing yourself to maybe 500 million people. I mean, it's a lot of people. And so I think that's sort of an interesting way to think about that as well, is, is that it's so easy. It's just right in front of us all the time. To compare ourselves to others. And I was also talking to my team about this a little bit too. It's like, I think for some people, if the perception is right and you are— have a high level of self-awareness, you can say, okay, you know what, that person who is far, far above me, I know that's aiming for something really high, but it actually can help that person achieve more, right? There's certain— a certain level of the bar is being raised more and more and more. So I think if somebody has a really healthy mindset, it can help. But if not, it can be— if you sort of feel like, no, I have to live up to that standard all the time, it's sort of crushing, right? I mean, it is, it is the weight of the world on your shoulders. And so one of the things I know that you're an expert in, you've talked about in your book, is how to be seen the right way. How to— again, because I think all of us know that, that's like as a kid, like I went to my daughter's, uh, she's 3 and a half years old and went to her first ever preschool play last night. And, um, and so watching her like on stage and out of nowhere she just starts jumping up and down. Just— it has nothing to do with the play. She's not supposed to be jumping up and down. She's the only one of like, you know, these 30 kids. And I'm like, why is she doing that? She wants to be seen. And so I think we all want to be seen. We're all born for significance. And so I think that's a reality. But there's probably a wrong way, as we've talked about, but also a right way to go about it. So what's the right way to go about being seen?

Well, it all depends on what your goals are. So if we're talking to an entrepreneur or somebody that wants to build a personal brand, I would say a different answer than to somebody who is being seen because they wanna connect with people and their family and their community, and they wanna just keep up with everybody on social media. And I actually disagree with you when I would say there's not a right way or a wrong way to do anything. And I think that's the beautiful thing about social media. And that's a beautiful thing about entrepreneurship as well, because there, if somebody tells you that there's only one way to do it, then you're gonna do it like everybody else does it. And I would actually ask you to say to yourself, What is my goal? Why am I here? Why am I creating content on social media? Why do I wanna be seen? Do I wanna build a business? Do I wanna build a brand? Do I wanna help people? Do I wanna tell stories? Do I wanna influence people to buy my product or my service? Or do I wanna really just genuinely provide like really helpful tools and information? So there's different ways to go about it depending on what your personal goal is, and there's different ways to do it depending on what your talents and your skills are. So I ask people to get really, like, I love what you said, self-awareness, self-aware. What are you strong at? You said you were in radio for a really long time. So you were like, I was in radio, I did radio, so podcasts would be amazing for me because I'm really, really good at speaking into a microphone. Now, some people might not be so good at that, and that's okay. If they don't enjoy that, they don't have to do, be, have a podcast. They could, what if they're really good at writing? They could write blogs, they could write books. You, if you're really amazing at video and that's something that you love to do, do video. I think being self-aware enough to know your strengths and what you enjoy is the number one most important thing. Because when it comes to being seen online and building a brand online, if you want build an audience and create that impact is consistency. Because if you're not consistent, somebody else is gonna take the audience from you. And, uh, and you're only gonna be consistent if you're doing something that you actually enjoy and you're leveraging the talents and the gifts that you have. And then the one other thing that I would say about this is that there are a zillion people in the world that do the same thing as you. There are, it just, it is what it is. There's a lot of doctors in the world. There's a lot of social media experts. There's a lot of, uh, Realtors, there's a lot of people out there that do the same and they're all fighting for the attention. But the thing that's gonna make you stand out is super, super simple and super hard also at the same time. It's actually just being more of who you are. It's being more you because the one thing that's 100% certain is that there's only one you. There is only one Dr. Joc Axe with your story, with your specific situation that you got going on, the way that you speak, the way that you communicate. Your specific ideas and like your nuances, the fact that you have a daughter that would just had her, her first show, right? Stuff like that. The more that you can bring more you, maybe the quirkiness of who you are, or maybe the story of where you came from, maybe the, the crappy stuff that's happened in your life, maybe the story that really brought you to where you are, that uniqueness, that's the thing that's gonna separate you from everybody else. So there really is no right or wrong way, but you wanna do what's right for you. So what are you good at? What do you enjoy? What are some things that make you unique and make you different from everybody else and lean more into being authentic? Because if you show up online as somebody that you're not and you start to do something the way that somebody else did it, you're gonna wake up with a brand and a business that you don't like. And it's really exhausting to try to keep that up and people can smell it.

Yeah. Yeah. I love, I think there's so much wisdom there. And I, I should say that when I said Wei, my part of my point there was in terms of, sort of the motive behind it and also the, you know, because I think, I think a lot of times, as I started the show off saying, I think a lot of times it's I want to be seen, I want to get attention purely for the sake of being famous. Right. We were looking up some of these stats recently in Gen Z. The number one thing they want to be is a YouTuber. And then after that, it's an influencer. Right. And so you see sort of a younger generation. It's not, it's not, not an, you know, an astronaut or a fireman or policeman. At least when I was growing up, those were kind of, you know, president. Those were were kind of the, some of the things. Well, now it's everybody wants to be an influencer for, for the sake of being an influencer versus, no, I want to impact the world for good, or I want to do something truly virtuous, and some of those things. And so, but I, but I agree with you, and I think this is such an important point, is that, um, it's really unhealthy to try and be something you're not or be someone else. It's like when you fully embrace who you are, and part of that is discovering your gifts and skills, those unique gifts God's given you, that's so, so important. When you work with people and give them advice, how, how do you recommend people start to discover those things that they're great at? You know, I, I did a Q&A here recently where several people asked, and I think a lot of people— I remember feeling this way in college for a short time until I figured it out— but people asking, I, I don't want to know what I want to do in my life, or how do I pick a career? How do I know what I'm good at? What is your advice people who are trying to discover those gifts, talents, and skills?

I always give advice based on my own experience cuz I'm definitely not an expert in any of this, but I do have a, a very, very strong memory of when I was a kid. And I will never forget this. It's like timestamped in my brain. Like I could put myself back in this moment when I was a little girl. I was about 7 years old. I was standing on a stage performing and I was singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow from Annie. And I was wearing this red shiny leotard with these bedazzled overalls. And I was looking out at the audience and I was singing and I saw my mom and my dad in the audience and I saw everybody just smiling and applauding. And I felt this energy and this vibe and the lights on my body. And I remember thinking in my mind, this is the greatest thing in the world. I wanna do this forever. I love this. So what I ask people to think about is when were you in your life the most in the pocket? I call that feeling in the pocket. You know, when time stops, when you could do something forever and ever and ever and you don't get tired, you feel like, holy crap, how did I just do that for 5 hours? And it felt like 2 minutes passed by. I loved that. I was so in flow. I felt easy. It felt fun. Maybe you didn't do that thing since you were a little kid. A lot of the times when we were little, we, the conditioning didn't happen yet and we knew what we loved. We knew what lit us up, but then somewhere, some person, some experience along the way came in and said, no, you can't do that. You need to do this. Uh, this person gets more attention cuz they do this. You need to make more money, so you need to do this. And then all of a sudden we get very convinced that the thing that we loved to do is not the thing that we should do. But I believe that God put that in us, uh, whatever you believe, the universe, God, whatever you believe in when we were little and gave us that feeling and gave us that experience to show us and guide us. What we were, uh, what we were born to do or what we love, or what will at least lead us to the next step and phase in our life that will make us feel the most fulfilled. But many of us shut that down so early on. Mm-hmm. And, and that's unfortunate. So I would ask the person that's listening to this right now, if you don't know what it is that you really wanna do, go back in time, go back in time. Mm-hmm. And think, when was I the most in the pocket in my life? What did I love doing? What, what did I do in my life where I felt like, man, I could do this forever? Or what do you do now? Or you feel that way? Do you love cooking? Do you absolutely love teaching? Do you love storytelling? Do you like, like you could right now in, in 2024, as we go into next year, you can make a career out of absolutely anything. You can create a podcast around whatever it is you love to do. You love, you love knitting, go create a podcast about knitting and talk about knitting every single day. I guarantee you if you're consistent with that, you'll build a really big audience and you'll be able to monetize that audience. So think about the things that you enjoy and that you really felt in flow doing when you were a kid before someone told you that you couldn't do that thing.

You know, I, I was talking to a friend who, uh, she does— she launches and does courses, Amy Porterfield. I don't know if you know Amy.

One of my besties.

Okay, yeah. So, so Amy was, was in doing the show, and one thing she shared with me, and this blew my mind— so she teaches— she's the best in the world at teaching people how to create their own course and program. And so big shout out to Amy Porterfield here. But she was telling me she had a client, a person that did her program, and And she started teaching people a course on how to make great candy apples. Okay. So if you ever, you know, growing up, we love these, you know, grew up in Ohio. It's like you go to an apple orchard and we'd get the caramel with the, you know, the nuts crust. I mean, we just loved it. But she said she's making something like half a million dollars a year or more, like $500K a year by just teaching a course to people like a lot of moms especially, and on how to make candy apples. I mean, so, so to your point, I mean, it's absolutely amazing that if you have this gift and talent, if you just demonstrate how to do it, I, the possibilities are absolutely, absolutely almost limitless.

100%. Yeah. I, I love, Amy's got so many different stories like that. I think she had like a, someone that was an expert in hula hooping. I love it. Like, listen, if you, there's so many people that I always, I always tell people, Like, if you want your own show, it's the easiest thing you could do ever right now. You have— everybody has a stage in their pocket. You want to be a speaker? Pull out the stage that you have in your pocket. You can go live. Uh, Dr. Axe, I go live every day, every single morning. I go live on Instagram. I've been doing this for over a year now. I put my makeup on and I do Q&A while I go live. And I do this for a few reasons. This has probably been the best thing that I could have ever done for myself myself, in my mindset, for myself as a speaker and for myself as a brand, building my audience, building engagement, uh, that I could ever do. And here's why. Number one, it forced me to stay consistent doing something that I didn't necessarily wanna do. So every single time you do the thing that you don't wanna do and you stay consistent with something, you're building more self-confidence and self-trust within yourself that you can do hard things. So I made this goal, I was gonna go live all the time and it wasn't easy all the time. I definitely didn't wanna not have my makeup on while I went on camera, but every time I did that, I was flexing my my discomfort muscles. I was going to the discomfort. I was doing something very uncomfortable. And every time you practice something, you get a little bit better. So then now I, I, I go live every day and I practice speaking. I practice answering questions. I practice talking to an audience. There's people. And when I first started, maybe there was 5 people that joined. Now there's hundreds, sometimes thousands. And that means, in— imagine we don't see all those people, but you are standing on a stage in front of of, let's say, 100 people that are watching you on your phone. That is a stage and you're practicing speaking. Also, it was absolutely amazing for building engagement, building community. We've got people that could show up every single day. So I basically have my own show and people that come to me and learn from me, one of the number one things that a lot of them want is their own show. They want their own TV show, they want their own radio show, their own Netflix show. I'm like, you've got your own show.

Yeah.

Pull out the stage in your pocket. And start creating your own show. Here's 5 steps. Step 1, pull out your phone. Step 2, open up your favorite social media platform. Step 3, press, press go live. And step 4, talk about something for a few minutes that you absolutely love and provide some value. Step 5, press publish. You have your own show. Anybody does. And if you're consistent with that for long enough, you'll not only build so much confidence when it comes to speaking in front of people, it's ridiculous. Because we get good at what we practice. And number 2, you will build an engaged community over time, but you got to stick with it. It doesn't happen overnight.

Here's my question for you, because I, I, I, I, I coach people. I have a mastermind group I do coaching with. It's a lot of doctors especially, and health professionals. But you know, one of the things I'm always trying to encourage them to do is just do it. Just get started. Just as you— and I know you've had these conversations a lot. You've been able to work with a lot of people. Again, you've written a book and become expert in this area to a degree on how to just get started. And so what is your advice for people? Because again, I think there's a lot of people like, oh, I don't want them to see me without my makeup on. Or to, to your point, what is your advice for those people who just keep saying, well, tomorrow, or when I'm perfect, or when I have the professional studio? Anything? And I know you've kind of said a little bit, but this— but anything else in terms of here's why you need to get started, or here's how to get started to overcome from whatever sort of resistance you're currently, or excuse you're making.

Hmm. Yeah. Wow. Well, my favorite quote is a Steven Pressfield quote. Uh, start before you're ready. Don't prepare. Begin. Remember, the enemy is not your lack of preparation. It's not the difficulty of the project or the state of the marketplace or the emptiness in your bank account. The enemy is resistance. The enemy is your chattering brain, to which is, if you give as much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons as to why you can't, shouldn't, won't do the thing you know you need to do. Start before you're ready. I memorized it because that's good. This was my number one thing that was holding me back from creating everything that I wanted. I was waiting until the perfect time. I was waiting until I had all the technology. I was waiting until I had the website. I was waiting until I had the boyfriend. I was waiting until, right? Well, you can always have a reason to not start, but here's the thing that I've learned is that time never stops. You know, like no matter what, God willing, everyone tonight, this day's gonna end. We're gonna end up in our bed no matter what. This day's gonna go. And I believe that each day is a gift and we get this day one time. And if we don't start and do the thing that we wanna do today, we're just one more day away from that thing actually happening. And I was finding that I was getting in my bed every single night being like, shit, I didn't do it again. I didn't do it again. I look up at the ceiling like I didn't do it again. And that's a terrible way to feel. And when I started taking action before I was ready and understanding that clarity does not come from sitting around and thinking about it, clarity comes from action. I talk about this in the book a lot. Um, it's called The Confidence Continuum, and you build confidence not by sitting around and pumping yourself up. No, that's not how confidence is built. Confidence and motivation and momentum comes from getting wins. It comes from doing something hard and getting to the other side. You know this, you're a doctor. I'm sure there's so much dopamine that rushes to your, throughout your body when you do something and you get to the other side of it. So I'm gonna give you an example about the confidence continuum and how starting before you're ready, uh, can really create momentum and motivation over time. So this is how it works, and we're gonna use going live on social media as an example because we're talking about that. All right? So let's say this, you've got this thing in your mind, you're listening to this podcast right now. You're like, man, I've been wanting to go live on social. I know it will help my brand, but I just I wanna wait until I feel perfectly ready and today's just not the day, right? I've been waiting and waiting and waiting, but I know I need to. I'm so scared. Your first step is to take that first action step even though you're afraid. You need to take fear and understand that it's not gonna go away. I envision putting it in the passenger seat of my car, putting my arm around it, be like, all right, fear, I get it. I'm gonna be scared. This is gonna be painful. It's gonna maybe suck. It's gonna be, you're gonna yell at me the whole time, but you're coming on for the ride and we're just gonna do this scared. You do it scared. You do everything in your power to make sure that you take action no matter what. So maybe that means calling up your friend and being like, hey, why don't— can you show up for my Instagram Live? I'm gonna go live for the first time. Can you show up and like comment a little bit so that I'm not on there alone? That makes it a little easier. Bring some friends on, get some accountability, do the hard thing. So the first step is taking that action step, doing it hard, doing it scared. It sucks. Okay, you do the thing, check. You get off the live. Oh my God, I didn't die. I did it. Yay. You celebrate yourself. Holy crap. You just did the thing. You did the thing and you make sure that you celebrate yourself so you feel all the goodness that happens. You get that little win. The next day going live will not be as hard as it was the first day. Mm-hmm. It will still be hard, but it will not be as hard because when you do the thing you're afraid to do, you take away the power that fear has over you a little bit. So then you go live on the second day with a little bit more confidence than you had the first. Not a lot, but a little bit. You do it again. Okay. I got through it. I didn't have to have my friend on at that time. That time I did it. Oh my God. Amazing. Then maybe you get a big win instead of a little win. Maybe someone DMs you after that live and they say, wow, I loved that live. That really helped me today. Thank you for sharing that information. Whoa, this works. Wow. Somebody's actually watching. Then you get a big win. Then you get a little more dopamine, a little bit more excitement. Then you're like, wow, I really wanna do this tomorrow because someone's actually watching and it really helps someone. So then the next day comes and not only are you not scared, but you actually wanna do it. And this, and, and it's a cycle and it continues and it continues and you get more and more and more and more confident. And now I'll just give you my own personal example. I don't go live anymore because I want to. I go live because I know that there's hundreds of people now that are waiting for me to do it. They're there, they're excited. They come every day and it's not even about me anymore. And I'm so excited to get on there and share it with them. I was not like that when I started. I was petrified. I didn't want to do it, but I developed— I did the confidence continuum, and now it's not even confidence anymore. Now it's just like, this is what I do. It's become a habit.

That's so good. You know, it reminds me of one of the things I used to do with my patients years ago is, is that to help them overcome— and by the way, this isn't with all patients. Some of them just exercise without me saying anything. But one thing I would do is I would say, okay, um, I want you to— I'm thinking about certain patients, and I would say, I want you to just go for a walk. Ideally once a day or twice a day, but if not, once a day. And I want you to walk for 20 minutes. Well, sometimes they even had a hard time with that. And so eventually I got to the point where like, okay, here's what I want you to do. You— this is a— this is a prescription. This is— you have to do this daily. You just have to walk out to the mailbox. That's it. You have to walk out to the mailbox. And if you feel like you want to continue to go on, I want you to walk then to the neighbor's mailbox. And if you want to, go ahead and continue and try and, you know, walk around the whole, you know, the whole block and try and get that 20 minutes in. But if not, I think a win for you right now is just walking out to the mailbox. And it was amazing to hear them come back and basically share with me that, you know what, once I got to the mailbox, there was hardly ever a time where I didn't go ahead and walk the 20 minutes. The hardest part was putting the shoes on, the jacket, and just walking out to the— so anyway, just to your point, it's— I think that sometimes people build it up, like, right? It almost in their minds to where it's a mountain that they've somehow got to move versus no, you just, you just have to go live. You just have to walk to the mailbox. You know, I had a guy I knew who said, Dr. Axe, I'd love to do what you do and built up a big following on social media and a website and things. And so I told him exactly what to do. And he got 2 months in of doing some lives, doing these things. And then I said, and I said to him, hey, Dave, how's it going? And he goes, Well, you know what, I was 2 months in and I had a little bit of a growth, but you know, it's not what I thought. And so I just stopped doing it. I bring that up to say, what is your advice for those people who, you know, maybe they do get a couple months and they do start doing it, but they're like, you know what, I don't have 100,000 followers yet. What, what, what do you, what do you say?

Yeah, that makes me so sad because they could be one second away from everything changing. And I find so many people stop before the moment. Because they do not have the patience. Patience is such an underrated thing that we need to implement in our life. We have— everything is so fast now. You get your groceries in a second. You get your Amazon Prime in a day. Everything is so fast. We want it to happen immediately. Like I said in the beginning, we are comparing our chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20. We do not see all of the years and the work that it went into doing that. So we want immediate gratification. But here is the thing. If you're not consistent, you're not willing to put the work in, you're not willing to put the time in and grow it and be patient, and you quit before you get to your moment, you're never gonna get there. And you could have been one viral reel away. That next reel that you posted that next day before you quit could have been the thing, but you weren't patient enough to put in the time. So consistency and patience. And this is a long game, and you gotta fall in love with the game, Dr. Axton. I know you're with me on this because I watch your stuff, like You love the game. It's not— it is understanding and knowing that like, this is, this is a life thing. This is not like, like, oh, I want to get that one win like that. I'm thinking about— I don't even think about the end goal, the prize, the moment, the stage, the book deal, the stuff like that that happens at the end. That's just icing on the cake. I genuinely am in love with the daily process. Of putting in this work and making the impact and helping people and doing things like this. It's like, this is the stuff that's fun. And if you can't fall in love with the process, you're gonna have a really, really hard time gaining success in this area, especially building a brand because it is long game and it takes a lot of time and effort and energy and relationship building and, and patience. And, and you could be one second away from making it and then you quit. So don't do that to yourself. Be in it. If you're gonna do it, do it because you love it and do it for the long game instead of just for like tangible little fast wins that, that you can see, because that's not going to happen. And so you're in the wrong business.

I, I love that. To your, to your point, it's important that you love the game and that you're not just— and now listen, I think you and I both agree you want to have goals, and it's fine to have some big hairy audacious goals, but I do think, as you're saying, you need to fall in love with creating a masterpiece. Just that product, you know, doing that thing, you know, as you're saying, the game. I do want to mention my friend Dave. I had kind of a heart-to-heart with him. This is a long conversation of a long time ago. And so he decided to get back in it. Well, now he's making $2 million a year, doing incredibly well. But here's what happened. He stuck with it, and then it wasn't until like 3 and a half years in, and all of a sudden it just all of a sudden took off. And I found for myself It is. Now, listen, it can be all different numbers. Sometimes it's 2 months in, sometimes it's— for some people it could be 10 years in. But I found it somewhere around that 2 to 3 to 4 year mark. All of a sudden, some people, if they get— if they keep at it and keep doing what you're sharing, that hockey stick effect, that, you know, that curve starts to really rise. But it takes time. You know, in some modern-day examples of this, if people are— watch podcasts or listen to podcasts and watch YouTube shows as you and I do, you know, Andrew Andrew Huberman was— his podcast for years was not that popular at all. In fact, I know plenty of people that interviewed him, had him on. It, it did not do well at all. And then finally, all of a sudden, past 2 years, boom. Similar thing, Chris Williamson. He's another guy, uh, from— he's from London but moved to Austin, Texas, and he was— did nothing, and then boom. And so it happens. And when I watched those guys, what, what happened was they just kept getting better and better at their crap. They just stayed consistent. They played the game. They loved the game, so they wanted to keep getting better at the game. And eventually, you know, the the cream rises to the top.

Yep. Yeah, that's it. If you're not willing to put in the work, you're not gonna get to where you wanna be. It unfortunately, like, listen, if it was easy, right? Like you're a doctor. If it was really easy to be fit and wealthy, like everybody would have a really sick fit 8-pack body and everybody would be a billionaire if it was super easy. But it's not. It's hard. It, it's hard. And that's what also makes it great. And I always talk I talk to people about this and, and this is like my self-talk as well, that any discomfort is only temporary. It's temporary. But the growth that comes on the other side of that discomfort, that's permanent. So you might not have a, you might have lots of days during your experience of, of building something, of building a brand or in your health journey that really suck. You don't wanna go to the gym, you don't wanna do the live, you don't wanna do the podcast. Maybe that's okay. That's life. But it's your ability to be able to move through that discomfort and do it anyway. Do it with fear there. Do it with discomfort there. The, the more the uncomfortable you uncomfortable you can get in the gym, the better results you get. That's just how it works. The more uncomfortable you can get in business, the faster you're gonna grow and the more results that you're gonna get. It is, that is exactly right. And sometimes patience and putting in the long game of work and doing it consistently when you feel like no one's watching it and building it behind the scenes and feeling like you're not being seen for a long time until it pops, that can be very uncomfortable and really difficult. And most people don't continue on. Most people quit. And that's why not everybody becomes successful. So if you want it, it's really clear. You can look at all the people who have done it before you. I love learning from people who have done it before me. The, the proof is in the pudding. It's there. All the examples that you need are out there on the internet. That's why I love social. It's a beautiful place to learn. Yeah. Instead of being jealous of other people or FOMOing over them or thinking, oh, they're already doing it, what if we just flipped it around and we're so unbelievably grateful that they're being successful because they're showing you a blueprint, they're showing you how it's done. They're actually showing you that it's possible. And I love scrolling back to episodes 1 and 2 of these really successful podcasts. I love it. I love going back to the first YouTube video and seeing the really crappy episode that they did in the beginning to remind myself that everybody started at zero. Everybody started at square one.

That's right.

And how many years did it take them to get to where they are? Okay. All right. This is what I'm in for now. And I'm going to be in it for the long game. And you either make that commitment with yourself or you don't.

Yeah, it's so good. So, so, Jen, for you, one of the things that I so appreciate about even this conversation is I can tell you're, you know, you're passionate, you're driven. What drives you personally when you think about, you know, why you are so active? So, you know, you work so hard. What are some of those things or that what is that thing that drives you?

Mm. There's a couple of things. Um, so one of the things, I'll just go off of what I was talking about before and then I'll get to the biggest reason. One of 'em is that I genuinely enjoy accomplishing things and I've really had to actually get very self-aware about this. And I was thinking, is there like, do I have an unhealthy relationship with achievement? I'm like working with my therapist, like, do I need like, uh, something from somebody else? Is it something that happened in my childhood, right? Where I needed the attention from my parents? We talked about in the beginning, and now I'm at a point where I just freaking love it. Like, I love waking up and, and doing things like this, having fabulous conversations with people and feeling like, wow, I did it at the end of the day. Like I put myself out there, I did something hard and I got to another level. I love growth. I love the act of learning and being a better version of myself. I'm just, that's me. That's the way that I am. I do it in the gym, I do it in my personal life, and I love that. I enjoy it. It's, it's part of my, my who I am as a person. But really when I'm creating content and when I'm speaking on stages and when I was writing my book, I'm doing it for a very specific person. And I love the acronym HOPE that stands for Help One Person Every Day. Mm-hmm. And I wake up every day and I think about that and I think about the person that I know that's on the other side of that iPhone and maybe they woke up and they're just not feeling it today. And they're scrolling and maybe my video captured their eye. Maybe the thing that I said that day helped them to show up in a different way, helped them to give them a little bit more hope in their life, helped them to make them themselves feel a little bit better. Maybe help them get outside and go for a walk to the mailbox. I think about that person and every single time I experience like speaking on stage and I always stay after whenever I speak cuz I wanna talk to people after and hear what resonated with them. Yeah. And, and hear what they loved the most and hear what, what impacted them the most. That is why I do it. Then I hear what they say and like, oh my gosh, this helped me. This— I am going to go out and I am going to do something differently today because of this. And I am like, ah, this is why I do it. Because of that. Not because I want to help a million people. That is great. But if I could help— honestly, like when I speak, yes, I want to help everybody in the room, but I think about talking to that one person. And that really helps me. And that really drives me. And I think about that person all the time, every day, because I used to be that person. And podcasts and books and YouTube videos helped me in a really, really big way because those people had the courage to be seen. So if you're not being seen, I will actually, I'll, I'll call you out and I'll let you know that I really truly believe that if you have a service, a story, or a product that helps people, it's your responsibility to make yourself visible to them. Because if you're not, they're gonna go follow someone else that's maybe not as good as you or doesn't care as much as you, and they're gonna go pay that person. They're gonna go listen to that person. They're gonna go follow, and they should be following you, but because you're too in your head or insecure or, or too wrapped up in what you look like or what you sound like, you're not putting yourself out there. That's actually kind of selfish. Because that person out there needs to hear what you have to say. Like, Dr. Axe, like, you've changed people's lives because of this podcast.

You know, I had a, uh, I had a mentor tell me this one. So this was when I was in school about to open up my clinic, and he could tell because I was working in his clinic, I was a little afraid to, to sell. And, and sell, when I mean sell, I mean like tell patients you need care, walk, you know, do, do those things. And, and he really had to tell me, he's like, listen, um, he, he told me this. He said, you know, your issue, Josh, right now is, is that you don't believe enough in that what we're doing is going to help people. He said, you know, there are people out there that because they don't find this clinic— it was a natural medicine clinic and they did chiropractic and nutrition and all this, all the functional medicine stuff— and then he said, you know, if people don't find this office, they're going to go and get put on more drugs, they're going to have surgeries, you know, it's going to take years off their life. And so he said, you know, you need to stop viewing yourself as this person that's trying to sell something and start viewing yourself as somebody who is rescuing people and saving lives and transforming lives and knowing that you've got a product that can literally help save and transform someone's life. So, you know, improve someone's life. And I think for myself, that was such a key conversation to have, to realizing like, yeah, I'm not trying to sell anything. I'm just trying to help save somebody. I'm trying to help somebody. And so I think for a lot of people, they feel like, well, I don't want to be salesy or or I don't want to, you know, or, or they feel like maybe they're somehow being selfish by trying to put themselves in the spotlight. But I think if they're coming from the places you're sharing, and you know this and you're telling people this, like, the world needs you. There are so many people hurting, and it's not just health. It's— there are people hurting emotionally. There's people with self-esteem issues. If you can help those people, you are doing a great good in this world. And so anyways, I love that message. But I think if more people really realize the value they had and what they would have to offer, you know, that would go a long way too.

Oh, I agree, I agree. And it's, it's really, really helpful to— like, if you're in social media and you're building a brand, and let's say it's, uh, one of your, your doctors that are part of your mastermind that's listening to this that want to get themselves out there so that they can help more people, and they really want to really, really help people, I find it's unbelievably helpful to go into your comments and listen to what people are saying. Mm-hmm. Go into your DMs and read them. I'm my, I don't have a social media manager. I am the only one that, that does my Instagram specifically. I, I do my Instagram and I do it on purpose. It's not a scalable activity for me. I run a, a business. It's very busy. Uh, I should technically have somebody that runs my social, but I do it. And the reason that I do it is because I wanna learn every day what my audience needs. I wanna learn where they're leaning in. I wanna learn what they don't need. I wanna talk to them. I, that's why I go live every day. I wanna hear what questions they have to ask. Me. First of all, that gives me endless ideas for content. But second of all, it's actually reminding me that there's human beings on the other side. It's not just a phone. There's people and you're helping them and you're talking to them. And the more that I can visualize them and see them in my mind's eye and hear what they need and hear where they lean in and hear what help they need, I, I, I, it doesn't, it makes it easy for me. I, I'm not technically a writer. I wrote a book, but I'm, I'm not a writer. I never considered myself an author. I'm a great speaker. So what I had to do to never have writer's block, and I never had writer's block writing my book, it was very easy process. People always ask me like, was it hard to write your book? I'm like, no, it was easy. Here's why. I envisioned my girl that I was talking to. It was a girl. This book's for everybody, guys, girls. But in my mind, she was a girl. Her name was Kayla. She's a Pilates instructor from Wisconsin. I made her up. I knew everything there was to know about her. And every time I went to write, I put her on the other side of my computer.. And I would envision that I was sitting with her chilling, having lunch, and she was asking me questions and I was telling her stories and I was helping her. And that's why when you read my book, you'll hear it's my voice. Everyone's like, Jen, I feel like I'm talking to you when I'm reading your book. It's because I genuinely was just talking to this girl and I, it flew outta me because we don't ever get talker's block ever. Yeah. We don't, like, if we're just having a conversation, if you're just talking to your patient and telling your patient what they should do. You would not forget the words. You would not know what to say. It would flow. It would be easy peasy. And I think we get so in our head, we get wrapped up about what other people think of us, if we're saying the right thing, if people are gonna like it, what we look like, what we sound like. And that is the wrong thing to be thinking about when you're trying to provide value to somebody else. When you're helping somebody, it's easy.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so good. I, by the way, I love the acronym. I love HOPE. I mean, help one person every day. It's fantastic. Tell me about these lives you do in the morning. What's a message maybe you had for somebody, your, your group of people you're going live with in the past month or two that you thought was a good message that really resounded with your audience? You were getting those comments, people were saying, oh wow, that's a, that, that, that, that, that's a good piece of wisdom.

Well, we do Q&A every morning, so this did not start this way. It started with me pressing the button and guessing what I was gonna do. I just started doing my makeup and just like rambling, and it probably was really bad, but over time It has a cadence now. I open up with a, a monologue. I have a thing that I say, and then we go into Q&A and, uh, and we get all kinds of questions. And those questions always end up turning into content for me. And in fact, I do repurpose all those lives and I put them on my podcast cuz I'm all about repurposing content. By the way, any people creating content, like lives can always be repurposed. Always take one long form thing and turn it into a zillion things. But let's see, one of the topics, let's think about what we talked about today. Um, today, oh, I love talking about the evolution of your brand and who you are. One of the biggest questions that I get when it comes to building a brand online, whether that's for a business or it's a personal brand, is does every single post that I make or every piece of content that I make have to be really in alignment with my brand and with like my niche? And I think people get very stuck a lot of the times in like, let's say you teach Pilates, every post has to be about Pilates and every single image has to be the same filter and the same font and the same colors. And it has to be exactly the same and perfect and beautiful. And this is like the biggest no-no in the entire world because here's the cool thing about building a personal brand. It is supposed to be personal. Even a business brand, there's a human on the other side of that brand. And people love being part of an evolution. And no matter what, people evolve, people are multifaceted, people have all kinds of different things going on in their life. And what we talked about earlier was that there's a lot of other people that do the same thing as you. But there's only one you. So what I've been doing with my personal brand, and I've been seeing so much growth in a very, very short period of time because I've been opening up who I am to the world. And not every single post is the same. If you're a Pilates instructor that loves to play guitar, that's something unique about you. Do a couple posts where you're playing guitar. If you're a doctor that has, um, a, a really amazing daughter that likes to jump up and down on stage, maybe you don't have to put her on camera, but you could talk about that story. And that makes you unique. Yeah. And that makes maybe somebody be like, They're like, man, I'm a dad too. And, and I really relate to Dr. Axe because he's a dad of a young girl and I am too. And that's why I wanna follow him and not the other guy that talks about something similar that Dr. Axe does. So the beautiful thing about having a brand that evolves is that your audience is gonna grow and evolve with you. And if you ever wanna shift careers or you wanna sell your company, or you wanna do something differently in your life, if you've brought your followers along for the journey, you had them watch you writing your book, they were part of it. You had them help you pick out the book cover. You had them help you. Think about what the last chapter should be about. Uh, they're gonna be following you. They're gonna be so excited to buy the book. And then let's say years later you're like, I sold my company. Now I'm gonna be talking about something new. You have an audience that has evolved and grown with you and followed the, the whole journey of your story and loves every part of you. They're gonna be so excited about whatever you build. But if they're only following you because you talk about Pilates and then you start talking about something else randomly, it's gonna be a weird evolution. So lean into the evolution of your brand, lean into the story that makes you unique, lean into all the things that you love to do and love to talk about, cuz that's gonna make you really, really, really deeply connected to your audience in a way that nobody else is doing. That would be my greatest piece of advice for somebody building a personal brand.

It's so good. It's so good. You know, I, I know you've got a podcast. I know that you've interviewed a lot of people and we had mentioned we have a lot of the same circle of people I know we've run around with, some, some great influencers and leaders and successful entrepreneurs. What is a— maybe a— and by the way, this could also expand to even mentorship, but what is, what is the best piece of advice that you've personally ever received?

Oof. The best piece of advice that I have ever received. Would probably be, um, a mentor of mine ages ago said to me, when you love yourself as much as you care what other people think, you will change your life. And that I repeat daily because I, I do not know about you, but I have not been able to release caring what other people think. I think it is a human emotion. I think that it is natural. I think that we always care a little bit what other people think of us. I think there is always going to be that innate thing inside of us that is like, I do not want to be judged. I do not want to be exiled from the community. I do not want people to not like me. I want to be liked. I want, you know, caring what other people think. But what I have been trying to do and what I am always— I am not perfect at, but I am always working on is finding that love within myself and putting more energy into really appreciating and loving myself for who I am, more energy into that than caring about outside stuff. And what I get from the outside. Because if you've got it within you and, and you know that you can create that love and you can, you can see yourself instead of needing to be seen by other people, and you can create all of those beautiful emotions of achievement and accomplishment and, and love and adoration for you, then you don't need it from the outside. And you can just go and do your thing and serve other people and know that you've got it. And I love talking to people that have got that because it's the opposite of like that desperation, that pick me energy, that thirsty energy. I find that it's a quiet confidence where it's like, I just wanna give because I know I've got it here. I don't need anything from the outside world. And that's not something that I've found a lot of people have been able to master, nor have I been able to master it. But it's something that I'm always working towards, uh, loving myself more than I care what other people think of me and having it within me so that I can go out and serve from a place that is like, I am so full. I just wanna give.

Yeah. I, I, um, first of all, I, I wanted to, I wanna, I wanna comment on this because I think that there's a couple ways to go about this. I think we talked about this— we didn't talk about this early on, but I think that there's a similar theme in terms of, I want to say, a right way and a wrong way. And, um, and so, you know, when I think about self-love and what a lot of culture teaches today, like, I personally wouldn't agree with a lot of the self-love— just love yourself, you're perfect the way you are. I don't think anybody's perfect the way they are. I think everybody can grow. I think everybody can get better. But I think there's this element of like, you just need to convince yourself that you're perfect versus I think being able to, um, love yourself in the way of— again, for me, this is going to become very biblical and faith-driven, but knowing I'm made in the image of God, I'm called with a purpose, he says he knows me the very hair of my head. And so for me, it's very much like, wow, like the most praiseworthy being of all time, like, like ever, like like loves me, cherishes me, you know, when I, when I read something like the Bible. So I do, I do think that there's this element of self-love that can be unhealthy. There's, of course, there's narcissistic, which, which, that's probably self-love/hate. But overall, there can be this sort of self-love of, of that, that culture talks about, like you're perfect the way you are, versus no, like, like your capabilities are massive, like you were created, there's no one like you in the entire world. And so I think being able to meditate on that reality and love yourself in that way and pass that love on to others. Because I think you're totally right. I think there's a big difference where you're, uh, where you're coming from towards people. Like, some people are trying to please people simply because they want to be self-validated versus, no, I love myself, I love God, I love others. Like, this is coming out of me not for validation. It's coming out of me to serve this Mother Teresa-like servanthood because is, you know, I have so much love within me, you know what I'm saying? Like, like sort of coming out. So yeah. Yeah.

Those are the most successful people. If you really look at it, the people that you love to listen to, the people that are, that you like online, they're always the people, or, or even when you walk into a party. So I've noticed this, if I walk into a big room and there's somebody that doesn't need to be the center of attention, they're, they're a little quiet. Like they're cool, they're quiet. They don't need to be loud. They don't need to be like, everybody look at me, look at me. They're kind of just like standing there like, I got it. I always wanna talk to that person. Because I'm like, I want what that person's got. What's that person got that he— they don't even need to, to shine. They're just standing there knowing they've got it. I call that quiet confidence, and that comes from self-trust, that comes from self-love, whatever you want to call it. Knowing that you have everything that you need and you're good and you don't need anything from anybody else, and, and you're confident in that way. And that's always what I'm striving to have, and I think that that's the highest form of leadership. Is to not need anything from anybody. You know when you walk into— when you walk, um, into a party and you've got the opposite type of person? Look at me, look at me, look at me, right? Like, and they're name-dropping all over the place and they're bragging about all the things that they do, and they're, how can you help me out? You're like, oh my God, I do not want to be around you. That is actually like repellent. So if you want to be seen, like, see yourself, love yourself, and then so much so that you can just see other people and be truly interested in others. Like, not like, don't, like, don't look at me. I'm good. I wanna find out about you. Let me learn more about you because I don't need you to give me all the validation. I'm, I'm okay. I've got it. And I wanna learn about you so that I can help you. And that is, that's always what I'm striving to, to be when I show up in a room. Again, like, I hate it when people are like, I'm perfect just the way that I am. I'm always trying to be a little bit better. And I think that that's really, really important.

Remind me, what's the name of the person that you write to, uh, from Wisconsin? The, the, the avatar that you, What's her name?

Her name is Kayla.

Kayla. That's right. So, so if Kayla— let's say we've got Kayla listening to this and there's a lot of other people alongside Kayla here, but what's your best piece of advice for Kayla? So you're thinking about— I mean, you've had, you've had a few people in your life like I have who they gave you a piece of advice and it was like a domino. This domino started following, their life changed because of it. What's one of your biggest pieces of advice for Kayla and for others? Who, who want to be seen and do more with their life?

Hmm. Okay. Well, there's so much advice that I could give, uh, so much so that I wrote an entire book about it. But, uh, one thing that we haven't touched on that has moved the needle the most in my life, in my business, has been, um, prioritizing relationships and people.

Mm-hmm.

And community and connection. Uh, my company's called Super Connector Media and my, my husband is known as the Super Connector and we are in business together, Chris Winfield. And he really, really, when we started getting together, like really showed me the power and importance of creating powerful connections when it comes to getting opportunities and just increasing your overall happiness. I started really diving in deeply to masterminds and communities and figuring out like who I could help really. I think that people go into creating relationships and connections the wrong way. Uh, a lot of the times they go into a connection or a relationship and they're like, what can I get from this person? What can I get from this person? I need to get something. If you just flip that around on its head and after everybody walked into a room and figured out how they could help other people, uh, oh my gosh, magic would happen because opportunities come from people. And the law of reciprocity is such a strong, beautiful law. When somebody does something for you, you immediately wanna do something for them. And that creates a win-win relationship. And that win-win relationship can take you so far, right? Like I love how, and we, I'm gonna use an example. Your team asked us, how can we make this a win for you? What could we provide for you? And I've never been asked that before when I go on a podcast. And I was like, he gets it. He gets it. Relationships and connections are the key. And the key to making them is to figure out how you can help other people. And when you asked that, I was like, wow, I, I wanna help. I wanna come and ask him what he needs help with. Like, I let, like, let's be friends. And, uh, yeah. So I would say double down on getting into rooms where there are like-minded people and figure out how you can help those people and how you can provide value. And your entire life will start start to shift. Opportunities will open left and right because opportunities come from people.

It's so good. You know, I, I think about one of the things that I did to help me in my career was I went to, you know, conferences and coaching. I started going to seminars, all these sort of things, and just asking questions, you know, getting plugged in. And then over time, it was crazy. At first I was asking all the questions, and then by the second year I was sort of answering all the questions because I'd went and tried it and done all the things. And so anyways, there's so much value in connecting and networking. And, you know, when I think any of us think about— or I can say personally, any success I've had in any area of life was due to relationship, whether it was business success or success in having a good relationship with my spouse or being a good dad, whatever it was, it was because I had either my dad teach me or a coach or another couple I saw. They had a great marriage. I learned, oh wow. And we were connected to them. And so I love that you're saying that because I do think that that is such a key thing. And I think we're living in a world today that is definitely a little less— yeah, you know, the more of that traditional identity, it was really— is tied to community. Who's your tribe? And today it's a little less. It's a little bit more I'm going solo. This is why the rates of, you know, things like depression and feelings of isolation and loneliness are actually really high. They're like at an all-time high. Because people are trying to do so much of it alone. And so, anyways, so I love that piece of advice because I think more and more of us need to get connected. Iron sharpens iron to help us achieve, you know, these goals that are within us.

We are not meant to do this alone. We are not. You know this. Like, we're meant to be in tribes. We're meant to be together. And yeah, I heard that there's like a Minister of Loneliness in Great Britain. Like, there's actually people that are helping with this loneliness epidemic that is absolutely Crazy. So we do, we host events for this reason. That's why we do it. Masterminds events changed my life completely. We just did a 600-person event in Dallas. We're gonna do it again in Atlanta. And, uh, and, and the magic that happens in a room when you put people together and you give them an opportunity to connect and, and you create an environment where everyone, uh, is, is safe to be themselves and to help one another. And to figure out like how to lift each other up. I think that there's also, I know this because I was an actress and I come from a much, much different mindset. When I was younger, I had that competitive mindset. I had that mindset of scarcity. If that girl gets a role, it means I can't. If that person gets something, it takes something away from me. And I think a lot of people right now, uh, have that mindset still, unfortunately. Like if somebody gets something, it takes something away from me and they don't want that person to have that thing. And the thing that I'm constantly reminding people of and reminding myself of, just from experiences of, of the opposite happening, is that somebody getting something does not take anything away from you. Anything. In fact, if you help somebody get something, it actually just essentially lifts you up because you're gonna get that back in some way, shape, or form, uh, for so many reasons. And whether you believe in karma or not, the law of reciprocity is such an unbelievably strong law. And I believe that if you're on the creative creative plane, creating opportunities for other people, helping other people grow, giving people opportunities, the number one, your entire industry's going to grow. And number two, you are going to be along that journey as well because the more you create, the more is created. But if you're on the competitive plane and you're fighting for things and you're thinking that there's not enough to go around, you will make that so, and, and you will not grow. I've, I've experienced this just by seeing it and being part of a, a world where that was the case and being part of a world where that wasn't the case. And I never wanna go back.

Back. Yeah, it's so good. It's just, it's this law of— it's reaping and sowing, right? Or it's sowing and reaping. It's just, you know, you keep sowing those seeds, eventually, you know, good fruit is going to come of it. Uh, I want, I want to mention, everybody, I want to encourage you to check out Jen's book. It's called Be Seen. And if you want to learn more about the book and get the book, you can go to beseen.com. Just B-E-S-E-E-N book, beseen.com. And Jen, tell us just a little bit about— just a quick, you know, 1 minute kind of rundown of what's in the book and why should everybody get the book?

Yes. Well, the book is everything that we just talked about and so much more. Uh, it's, it's based on 4 parts. So I call it my B-Scene System, and I could not write a business book without the first half of it being pretty much all personal growth and personal development. Because if you don't have the mindset to take action and do the things that I tell you to do, you're not gonna do them. And so I, like, I always say when I'm on stage, I'm like, I'm not gonna teach you strategies on how to build your brand. Cuz if you're not being seen, it's not because you don't know how to do it. You can find out how to do it. It's because of fear. So the first part of the book is called Be Courageous, and it's all about how to develop that mindset that we talked about earlier of putting fear in the passenger seat of the car, putting your arm around it and doing things with fear there anyway. And I talk about all of my stories from being on VH1 and, and all of my faceplants of starting my business and becoming an entrepreneur. And it's all very, very story-based and the things that I learned about being courageous throughout my career. And then the second part is called Be Creative. And that is where we talk about creating the version of yourself that you want to be. And who do you want to turn into? Who do you, how, how do you really transform into you 2.0 right now? Start acting and being that person that you desire to be because it is within us. We can start right now. I do an exercise when I speak often where I give them a minute and 47 seconds. To envision themselves a year from now and walking into the room a year from now having achieved everything that they want. And the craziest thing happens, Dr. Axe. Everybody looks different when they're done with that 1 minute and 47 seconds. Everybody's sitting taller. Everybody's more confident. I'm like, you just transformed in 1 minute and 47 seconds. You are different. What would happen if you walked around the planet as this version of yourself right now? Right now? So So part 2, Be Creative, creating the life that you want. Um, all of my tips of the creation process, creating the things that you desire, the mindset behind that, the law of action is also in there. How nothing happens if nothing happens and taking action before you're ready. The third part of the book is called Be Connected, where we dive into what we just discussed, the importance of building connections, tactical tools that you can use to network even if you're an introvert and get opportunities based on networking with people. And then also create friendships and amazing, uh, experiences in life from developing those deep rooted connections. And then part, uh, part 4 is all about being visible, being seen. And that's where we get tactical. I teach all of my tactical branding strategies, building a brand online, writing amazing copy, uh, storytelling, how to talk about what you do. And then at the end, we connect all the dots with all the stories. And, uh, and I, I end up back on stage again where I started when I was a little girl. And I'm like, oh wow, this is how it all, how it all tied together. But But it's an awesome book. I wrote it for the person that's listening to this. If you got to the end of this podcast and you're still listening to us, I wrote the book for you.

That's so good. I want to encourage you guys again, remember it's Be Seen, the book, and you can check out beseenbook.com. It's also on Amazon if you just go and check out Be Seen on there. And also, you can check out Jen's website. It's jengottlieb.com, J-E-N-G-O-T-T-L-I-E-B, jengottlieb.com.. And I want to encourage you guys to check out the book. Uh, I know you're gonna love it and it's going to help take your life to the next level. Um, so I want to say, hey, thanks everybody for watching, and thanks again, Jen, for sharing your wisdom today. If you're watching on YouTube, I want to encourage you, go down in the comments section and let us know your biggest takeaway. What was that piece of wisdom that Jen shared today that you're going to go and take action with, or that really stuck out, stood out to you and impacted you in a big way. And hey, don't, uh, don't forget to subscribe here to the podcast, uh, like and share it. You know, think about who's that person who something Jen shared today, you know, that it's going to impact their life in a positive way. You know, one of the things Jen shared with us today is her acronym for HOPE: Help One Person Every Day. Who's that one person you can go and help today by sharing this video and Jen's wisdom with? With. So I want to say again, thanks so much for Jen for coming on. Thanks everybody for watching. Praying everybody has a blessed week. I'll be back next week with another episode.